An Expression of My Truths

"We all die. The goal isn't to live forever; the goal is to create something that will"

-Chuck Palahniuk

I don't want to live forever, and I'm still trying to figure out if the life I'm living is worth all this struggle, this pain, this heart ache. My empathy allows my heart to bleed for creatures that don't even know I exist or that I even care, but I do. Humans and non-humans, my heart breaks at the sight of injustice and cruelty. I grieve on a daily basis but I love on a daily basis as well. There are several "Truths" that I've come to realize as I've gotten older: The first being,  I am too light-skinned for certain weather climate, this means HEAT! Which brings me to my second, eye-opener..I'm losing color!  As I get older, the fear of being damn-near transparent by the time I am 50 is apparent. Third, I can't spell worth a damn and praise Microsoft Word for spell checker (and dictionary.com)! Lastly, I am successful. My wealth and my worth is not be measured by the amount of money I have (or lack thereof), the material objects I possess, nor is it defined by a piece of paper that signifies my academic struggle and debt. I'm successful because I am passionate. I give love and I receive love. This is what I have created, this is what I will leave behind. Twenty-nine years it has taken me to realize this truth and it hit me hard at this morning at 3AM. How it's been in my face all along and I've yet to see it? Truth is, I succumbed to standards and rules set by a narcissistic society. I was blinded, I'm not ashamed to admit my flaws and my faults, it's what my genetic make-up is made of. There are many lights that come on, as I move throughout my days. I'm sure by the end of this week new topics will have been added to this list. The intriguing part is to see how long this list will actually get. I've created me, I've taken everything I've learned, eveything taught, what I know and what I've seen..decided it was all bullshit and tossed it aside! To know me is to love me, you have no choice actually.

"My fear was not of death itself, but a death without meaning"

  -Huey Newton